My name is Mike and I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Currently, I’m 23 years old. My last drink and drug took place when I was 20 years old. My decision making to get sober didn’t have much to do with a ‘desire’ to stop drinking or drugging. In fact, if I could have found a way to continue using drugs and alcohol without the resulting consequences that so persistently got in my way, I would have continued. That being said, I did enough “research” to find that I could no longer safely drink and drug in any form.
In ‘How It Works’ in chapter 5 of Alcoholics Anonymous it says “if you want what we have to offer and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps”. My exact feelings in response to this were: I did NOT want what AA had to offer me because all I saw were annoying meetings, terrible coffee, clouds of cigarette smoke and boredom. I was also NOT willing to go to any length to get it because that would require taking a look at me and my actions (which were horrific at that point in my life). Lastly, I was most certainly NOT ready to take “certain steps” because physically, mentally and emotionally I was broken. On top of that, I was 20 years old! I wanted to be out having fun; staying up until 5 in the morning, going to nightclubs and concerts, doing drugs and ‘really experiencing life’.
You may ask yourself why someone would still get sober with that thinking.
Well, thanks to treatment, my mind was (barely) defogged enough for me to realize that recovery was the better option for me. You see, I didn’t want to do anything that involved AA, self-examination, spiritual communication or relationship building, HOWEVER, it was that or go back to daily physical sickness, getting arrested, lying, stealing cheating, etc…
Now, to an average human being, that decision is a no-brainer. Spiritually change myself or die slowly and miserably? For me, (a 20 year old, undiagnosed alcoholic and drug addict) it was an extremely difficult decision. But I made it and I chose recovery.
It was summed up to me that, I did not have to want what AA had to offer and I did not have to be willing to go to any lengths to get it, I just had to be tired enough of the chaos spiraling around my own life.
On a daily basis I have to make a decision; drink alcohol, do drugs and die or stay sober, help myself and others and spiritually grow.
By Mike E.