In recovery, we strive to be at peace with ourselves and others. To do that, healing the pain from the past is sometimes crucial. And sometimes to heal that pain we must forgive. Forgiveness is not a good deed that you do for someone else. It's an act of self- deliverance. If holding onto resentments has its root in self-pity and/or blame, we must work on letting go of these resentments in order to reap the full benefits of recovery. The price of not doing so is too great and does not allow the full affect of peace to shine through with God’s healing grace.
Forgiving does not give anyone an open invitation to walk all over us or to come back into our life and disrespect us all over again. It also does not mean that we have to accept the unacceptable acts of another. What it does mean, is that we need to realize that all people are sick, and stop allowing these resentments and the people attached to them to run our life. Sometimes the lack of ability to forgive involves the failure to let go of the fantasy that we will eventually receive something from that person that we think we deserve. Perhaps it is attention, love, amends, or could even be closure. Forgiving may require letting go of such fantasies.
So, if you are having a hard time forgiving, ask yourself, what's blocking you? Is this resentment benefiting you or hindering you? Most likely there will be a reason that you are refusing to let go. Identify the reason for hanging on, and then ask yourself if that motive is something that you would be better off without. Then get with your sponsor and start the work necessary to be relieved once and for all from the burden of others’ actions. And remember that by forgiving someone, it does not make them right; it makes you free.