Why Is It  That When Things Are Going Good, Something Bad Always Happens?

I know that I  am not the only person who has ever reached that point of utter  frustration or disgusting state of self-pity, who has cried out and  said, “Why does this always happen to me!” Who has ever said, “It seems like every time things start  to go my way, something always has to happen!” I’d like to say that this only  happened in my “early” sobriety, because it always sounds good (It sort  of sounds like it’s no longer a problem for “me”). But that  would only be a lie that temporarily stroked the old ego! The truth is  that it is one of the easiest places to go when things don’t go my way.

I lived at a  girl’s home many years ago and had a wise old preacher tell me, after  one of my “rants”, that it was part of a process to make us stronger. Of  course, being sober all of 60 days and walking around in a heavy fog, I responded  with, “Huh?” The information that he gave me stayed with me until this  day and went as follows:

Have you ever bought one of those really cheap  hammers? The kind that is so fragile that if you  hit a hard surface with enough force it would just break? The reason  that happens is  because the metal is full of impurities. But there are the other hammers that are really high dollar and will last a lifetime,  because they contain almost no impurities at all.

When I would  later learn about the 12-steps and how to work them, I realized that  indeed what he had told me was the truth. I identify my defects of  character and my shortcomings, the very impurities that for so much of  my life caused me to be broken and would ask God to take them from me.  But as I would find out, not everything goes quickly and more is always revealed. I  have found that when things are bad my defects and shortcomings become much clearer. I  then have the option to ask my Creator to remove them from me and as  they are I become stronger in the knowledge and experience that God “is”  always with me and that the moment, no matter how bad, “will pass!” I  also have the option to ignore these defects and allow them to just  settle back in, or better yet, try on my own to make them go away. Either way, nothing changes and I  will remain fractured and easily broken.

So, in my  final assessment, I see good reason to believe, that during the  difficult times, through the use of the steps, a good sponsor and my  God, who enables me to do everything, to learn what my frailties are and  give them up to Him. I’m afraid I have not reached a point of  “rejoicing” in hardships, but thankfully I have gained the experience, that during  moments of confusion and despair, I can look back and know that I will  be O.K. and that this too shall pass.

© Rebecca Balko 

Read 3588 times Last modified on Wednesday, 30 April 2014 18:17
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